Here (In Your Arms)
Published by Ryan on July 20th, 2010“Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers ‘Hello, I’ve missed you quite terribly.’
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now there’s no place else I could be but here in your arms.- “Here (In Your Arms)” by Hellogoodbye
So, a lot has happened since I last blogged. I met someone. I went to a Rooney concert! I went on vacation to Ohio and Skaneateles, New York. I went to Cedar Point. I worked 40 hours for two weeks in a row (I’m used to working, like, 5 or 20). I turned 18 years old. I bought my first sex toy. I got turned onto Glee by my new boyfriend. Overall, I think this might just be the best summer of my life. I had seen Christopher in Starbucks before, but had always been too nervous to approach him. Honestly, I thought he was closeted and too affluent for me. I thought he’d think I was too young; I felt out of his league. Anyhow, I asked someone his name and then proceeded to add him on Facebook. I left a comment on his wall, mentioning that I had seen him at Starbucks several times, and that he dressed nicely. He was modest and said he usually looks like a mess. And then he told me to feel free to talk to him because he usually is there because he has nothing better to do. So, after having a bad movie date with an ex from a long time ago, I just started venting to him. I hadn’t slept the night before, so I was rambling a lot. Also, I had previously purchased orange slices (the candy) and the newest Cosmopolitan, so we read it together. Even though I was incessantly babbling, he seemed to like me. We shared a bit of our personal lives and relationship history. Our second date was at the movie theatre, and we saw Get Him to the Greek. I spent the first half of the movie trying to discern whether he wanted me to hold his hand, which was inconspicuously dangling over the armrest. I wanted to hold his hand but I didn’t want to misconstrue his body language. Eventually, I grabbed his hand. Then, later, I kissed him. He kissed me back. After the film concluded, he walked me to my car, and because it was after midnight, he told me Happy Birthday and gave me a birthday kiss. I didn’t even realize it was my birthday, and he did. It was so fucking cute I could have melted into a puddle right in that Shop-Ko parking lot, across from the movie theatre.
I asked him out on our third date, while we were watching Glee. He’s really a nice guy; 20-years-old, a Special Education major at Western Illinois University, compassionate, intelligent, trendy, and we share a multitude of common interests. I swear he’s the guy for whom I’ve been waiting. I’m really glad I initiated the first conversation. For once, I took control of my pathetic love life, and decided to give someone new a chance. And I haven’t regretted it yet. We’ve been dating for a bit more than a month, but we’ve already done so much together. We go out for dinner a lot. We go to movies. We watch movies at one of our homes together. We go to Starbucks together. And we reciprocate. We both enjoy paying for each other. Sometimes he pays, sometimes I do. I enjoy buying his coffee or green tea often. I like taking care of someone who takes care of me, too.
My last serious boyfriend Sam, the one from last summer, the guy to whom I foolishly gave my virginity, just doesn’t seem to want to stay out of my life. I texted him after I met Christopher, my boyfriend, not to try and incite jealousy or anything, because I know he got over me ages ago, but to let him know I’ve finally moved on. I thought he would remember it was my birthday, when I texted him. I even told him about the birthday kiss and all he said was congrats and that he sounded sweet. I was indignant, abashed, and fed the fuck up. What an asshole, right? So, after telling my father about it, I decided to text Sam a bitter text message, in which I gave him hell, or, as he might have said, chewed him out. I said something along the likes of this: ”Thanks for the happy birthday, asshole. It’s nice to know you care so much. I can’t believe how much I cared about you. I did everything for you. I put you up on a pedestal. But now I’m starting to see you for who you really are: a self-medicating, community college dropout who used me for sex and whatever else. I’m so done. Fuck you, asshole.“
You think somebody would take a hint to something that spiteful. Ever since I met Christopher, I seldom think of my ex-boyfriend. It has helped irrefutably that he moved to some town two or so hours away with his boyfriend. I don’t see him anywhere, obviously. I don’t have to avoid certain places anymore. Out of sight, out of mind. But, just the other day, seemingly out of nowhere, I woke up while Christopher was still in bed, to text messages from a number not saved in my phone. I had some informing me of severe weather alerts, but then I had two from Sam. Ugh. He sent something like this: ”I’m really sorry for the way i treated u ryan. I just heard our song and it made me realize that i did treat u bad. and it just made we wish you could foregive me. Ur an amazing person, and I would love to have u as a friend. I’m sorry. Text me back if u want.“
After a while of contemplating, I remembered I told myself I was done after my birthday. I deleted the messages. And hell, I should have been done with him a long time ago. But now I finally am. Because, honestly, he’s a fucking year late with his apology. Sorry, but I honestly don’t give a fuck about you anymore. I finally found someone better. Someone who would wait months to have sex with me, because he, unlike any other guy I’ve met, puts me first. He, Christopher, is actually standing next to me. He is on break from work. And he came by Starbucks. He’s such a cutie in his Express shirt and nice pants.
So, I go to orientation for Roosevelt Monday, July 26th. I move in August 26th! My classes start August 30th. I also found out that I will enter my freshman year with 9 credits. I got credit for my AP LANG and AP PSYCH tests, for which my mother paid 80 bucks a pop. Everything is going so well, and it’s a nice feeling. I’ve never been better.
