Published by Ryan at October 26th, 2009
And I want these words to make things right
But it’s the wrongs that make the words come to life
- “Thnks Fr Th Mmmrs” by Fall Out Boy
It’s a Monday, and I’m sitting at home. I stayed home sick today. Not only am I sick, but my car won’t start again. It’s my fault. I left my lights on while on break yesterday, because it was raining, and I didn’t realize I had left the headlights on. I was super-pissed when I got off work to find my car dead, and it was pouring rain, and I was stressed beyond belief, and I wanted a fucking cigarette already.
Anyhow. I had a good weekend. Friday night I saw Paranormal Activity with two of my favourite co-workers, Kristen and Caitlin. I really liked it. But we actually watched it thinking it was all real. I don’t wanna spoil it but by the end I realized it had to be fake. I googled and found out more about it. Saturday night I went to go see the movie again, because my friend Luke drove down here; he lives about an hour away. It was a lot of fun, though he doesn’t like scary movies. He jumped on me at the end, and I felt bad when I brusquely grunted, “personal space!” But after the movie him and I just had a really good talk about things. Pretty deep stuff. We are able to confide in each other, and it really helps to have a friend who cares.
Stress is my number one problem these days, and I’m working on it. I’m trying to do everything I do but like multiplied. For example, study every day even when I don’t have a test for that subject. I’m starting to read over my notes in Psych before I go to bed. I have a test on physical development I’ll have to take tomorrow after school. I really hope I do well. I also have to make up a Spanish test that is allegedly a beast. I’ve made flash cards and I reckon I’ll do well.
I’m going up to Columbia College Chicago Friday, November 6th, a day we don’t have school anyhow. My father and I are taking the amtrak up there–it’s about a five hour trip via automobile. We’re gonna stay in a hotel, then wake up Saturday morning and go to Columbia’s open house. I’m so excited. I’ll be in Chicago, and I can finally see if this dream school is within reach. I honestly can’t wait ’til fall; to start college and to start my journey of novel-writing!
I’ve made a new layout, but I dunno if I’ll like it. I’m gonna make the template for it, and if I liked it, it’ll be up. I’m trying to make time for graphics, too, and it’s a lot of work. But I also love making graphics as much as I do writing and studying. The latter verb was facetious, so you know!
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Published by Ryan at October 9th, 2009
gone going gone…everything gone give a damn
gone be the birds when they dont want to sing
gone people
up awkward with their things….gone
“Gone Going Gone” by Black Eyed Peas (ft. Jack Johnson)
If there is one thing that I have learned in these past few months, it’s that you can’t ever follow anything but your heart. For once, I’m doing just that. I’ve learned you can’t stay with someone just because you think you love them. You can’t with someone for whom you do everything and they give you absolutely nothing in return. Don’t stay with someone who can’t ever say sorry–because they never are. Don’t stay with someone who loves to manipulate and put you down. Don’t stay with someone who only holds you down.
I don’t do the “just friends” thing when someone fucks me over. I don’t do it when that person isn’t sorry. If someone can’t admit they were wrong, and actually mean it, then it’s better to be alone than with a fake ass phony. I read The Catcher In The Rye for AP Lang and I must say it is one of my all-time favourite novels now. I fucking love Holden Caulfield. I think he and I would be soulmates.
Anyways, school has been rather hectic. All I do these days is homework and studying. Hours each day. And I still am getting a C in AP Psych and almost a B in AP Lang. I am getting a B in Spanish 4–which is grade-weighted–so that is good. I’m studying more, making (more) flash cards, reading thoroughly, taking notes, staying after school, retaking tests. I’m doing everything I can to get the best possible grades I can get. I am so excited for second semester. I am only going to be at school from second hour till the end of fifth. I’m just going to drop off sixth hour (lunch), seventh hour (Sociology), and eighth hour (Journalism). This will allow me to focus more on my more important and rigorous courses: AP Lang & Comp, AP Psych, Spanish 4, and Gym. Haha. I have to take one more semester in order to graduate. I’ll graduate with 25 credits. I will be graduating with honours.
I’m really excited for graduation. I want to start my life. I am pretty set on Columbia College Chicago, a private liberal arts school in the South Loop. It’s my dream school and I’m working on making my dream come true. It’s perfect. I would get my Master of Fine Arts in Fiction Writing, and perhaps my Bachelor of Fine Arts in English Literature. I want to teach at a high school until I can be a full-time novelist. I want to live in New York City and also Los Angeles. I know I have big dreams. But I also have talent. Writing is my gift.
Today, I have been clean for (500) Days! Can you believe that? Yep, not a drop of anything. No marijuana, alcohol, duster, cough syrup, or pills. Absolutely none of that shit. I’m going to stay clean for the rest of my life. I’m at Starbucks and I’m going to start making some visitor content. Does anyone even use it?
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