Published by Ryan at May 29th, 2010
The end’s not near
It’s here
Hallelujah
Spread the cheer
And watch the millenarians
Throw a party for a thousand years
- “The End’s Not Near” by Band of Horses
So much has happened since I last blogged! I graduated high school, broke up with Alex, quit smoking twice, and became a vegan again, all amongst other things. To start, I just had my high school graduation five hours ago or so. I was dreading it a bit, not really sure how I was feeling about everything. But, when it was all happening, when we were walking onto this massive football field, hundreds of loved ones, teachers, and others screaming and clapping, I had the realization that I was happy about all of it. Several students gave speeches, and in each of them I got choked up. Though my animosity for the majority of my schoolmates remains, I felt so very connected with everyone there. People were nice to each other, and everything just felt infinite and amiable. For once, there was no drama. Everyone was friendly, smiling, and talking to one another. It was a great rite of passage.
On May 27th, 2008, I was checking into rehab with a 1.8 GPA, an unstable family life, and a serious addiction to Dextromethorphan (DXM). Two years later, May 27th, 2010, I was still clean from drugs/alcohol, and graduating with a 3.4 GPA. I never thought I could come so very far in my recovery. My mother took me out for a celebratory dinner at Panera Bread and I had a Mediterranean Veggie sandwich, apple, Black Bean soup, and iced green tea. My mother also gave me a card and a $50 Starbucks card! I was so surprised and so very happy!
For graduation, I got a MacBook Pro! I’m writing this blog on it, and I love it so very much. I am very grateful, especially because I was so shocked that my parents actually bought it. Of course, I also got a lot of money from relatives. Another thing I got from my mother was an electric cigarette. I had quit for ten days, and then I just gave up. It was rough. So, the plan is to smoke until the end of summer, and then start smoking an electric cigarette for Chicago. I just know I have to quit when I feel I’m ready.
I am officially a student in the class of Roosevelt University 2010! I am so excited. Roosevelt is giving me around $28,000 for my first year, which I do not have to pay back. It’s so incredible that I’m going there and living in Chicago and starting my dream of becoming a lucrative and happy author. My move-in day is AUGUST 27th and the building in which I’ll be residing is the University Center Chicago. I’m literally counting down the days!
I’ve been getting back into writing my memoir, and I’m really close to finishing the first draft. Now that school is out and I don’t have work as often, I spend a lot more time at Starbucks writing. I’ve just gotten to the part where one of the clients in rehab overdoses, and it’s really emotional, and raw, which I think is good. I’ve been doing well with everything, and it’s nice that everything is finally falling into place.
It’s the last summer of high school, of my adolescence, and I’m going to enjoy it: plenty of coffee, writing, boys, swimming, sunshine, and happiness! I’ll blog again soon, and I am looking forward to installing my new theme which is I Heart Huckabees. I hope everyone is having a spectacular summer!
Posted in exercise, school, smoking | 12 Comments »
Published by Ryan at March 18th, 2010
And I think of times we were together
As time went on, it seemed forever
But times have changed, now things are better
Someone had to pay the price
- Rooney
I got accepted to Columbia and Roosevelt (both in Chicago)! I have been so excited for the past couple of weeks. But also a bit ambivalent, as I now am faced with the unexpected ultimatum: Columbia or Roosevelt? Though I am in love with Columbia, Roosevelt is a lot more prestigious. Also, Roosevelt has already offered me a $28,000 scholarship toward my undergraduate years; $7,000 each of the four years. So far, I have no scholarship offers from Columbia. Within the next few weeks, I ought to receive my FAFSA report from both schools, which will tell me exactly how much financial aid will give me for either school. When it comes down to my final decision, whichever school can offer me the more significant amount of money–because I want to take out as few loans as possible, obviously–is the one to which I will matriculate. My father and I are going to go and visit Roosevelt within the next few weeks, so hopefully that’ll give me a better idea! Either way, I have faith that I’ll end up wherever I’m meant to be!
High school is boring me, to be frank. I feel so blasé, only going there four periods a day, and hardly socializing with anyone besides during class. I spend the rest of my time exercising (ellipticals are my favourite), writing my memoir, reading leisurely (How Starbucks Saved My Life by Michael Gates Gill), occasionally watching TV, working, like, two days a week, and hanging out with Alex. Alex is someone whom I’ve been seeing. Though I wasn’t looking for a relationship, he seems different, so I decided it was time to stop punishing myself, and give someone new the chance to show me how a good boyfriend acts. He’s already taken me out to eat thrice, the first two times paying for me. I’m going to make up for it by taking him to a movie and/or buying him coffee. Other good things about Alex are: he reads leisurely, he’s sixteen, he plays golf I have a thing for golfers he’s never smoked weed or cigarettes in his life, nor has he ever drunk alcohol. I was his first boy kiss! Basically, he compliments me. He has manners. We share common interests. This is the first time I think I’ve found reciprocality within a relationship. However, good things aside, I’m still leery (which I think is healthy, to an extent), because I still don’t know him all that well, and we’re taking things slowly. I am going to learn from my past, not repeat it!
Did anyone see Remember Me? I saw it with my father this past weekend, and I cried (albeit a few trickles)! It is seriously one of my all-time favourites. The ending was so brusque and unexpected! But the acting was great, the characters are emphatic, and you can’t help but feel the teenage love in the film. Plus, the protagonist, Robert Pattinson’s role, has a rather subversive humor and constantly makes misogynist remarks all for comedic relief, which helps balance the drama and take away a bit of the pangs from some of the lugubriously sad scenes. I definitely recommend it to any fans of either Robert Pattinson or young love idylls. I’m super stoked to see The Last Song. Don’t make fun of me, but I’m almost sure it’ll make me cry, too!
I thought I’d share some of the songs to which I enjoy working out the most, just for the heck of it. Feel free to share your workout playlist.
- Irreplaceable by Beyonce
- Stronger and The New Workout Plan by Kanye West
- Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson
- It Ends Tonight and Gives You Hell by The All-American Rejects
- Ice by LIGHTS
- Just Dance by Lady Gaga
- My Black Dahlia by Hollywood Undead
- When Did Your Heart Go Missing? by Rooney
- Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional
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