Handle Me With Care

“Sometimes you have to be apart from the ones you love, but that doesn’t mean you love them any less.  Sometimes, it even makes you love them more.”

- Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

So, it’s Friday night, and I’m at Starbucks, and I reckoned a new entry was overdue.  Things have been great!  School is amazing, ’cause I hardly study but my grades are superb; I do try on homework, essays, and projects, however.  But, with only AP Psychology, AP Language & Composition, and AP Spanish 4, I don’t have a lot of “filler” classes.  My other class is Office Worker during Gym class; basically I sit, read, talk with the other kids, or get on the computer; never have to dress out for gym in high school again!  I’m so amazed at how quickly graduation is coming; it’s on May 28th, one day after my two-years-clean!  I’m going to graduate with honours, too!  Could life get any fucking better?

I’ve been beasting out my rehab memoir (87 summer days spent in a treatment center), and I’m so happy with how it’s turning out.  I’m at about 27,000 words, but still have a lot to go!  Honestly, I think I could get it published, because, I mean, c’mon, how many gay guys go to rehab at fifteen, for a cough syrup addiction, and write a book about it?  Plus, it’s even more surprising that I’m still clean; no relapses, and statistically I should’ve relapsed within 90 days of being released.  I made friends at rehab, thought I fell in love, met strange people, met amazing people, and lost a great friend.  The story is powerful and captivating, and I think the introspection is perfect; the memoir is written in second-person, past tense narrative form, but I also insert raw journal entries, which really gives you an idea of how my summer in rehab was.  I write a minimum of 1,000 words a day, and it’s been a lot of fun; and hard work, too!  But writing is what I love, and what I do.

2010 has been amazing, and I’ve been changing myself.  I’ve been hitting the gym at least 4x weekly and making healthier choices; another healthy choice I’m considering is quitting smoking.  Cigarettes are so expensive in Chicago, so I might as well quit now!  Speaking of Chi-town, I’m waiting to hear back from Columbia.  I’m applying for scholarships, and trying to get federal aid stuff set up!  It’d be nice if my parents could just pay $40,000+ a year for college.  But, I want to become a novelist, and I know Columbia is my launching pad for a successful future!  The creative environment, the city, the professors, the apartments, the education; everything is so perfect!  I sort of wish I could skip ahead to next Fall and be blogging from my apartment at Columbia right now!

I’ve become an expert at letting go and accepting what is.  I know, who woulda thunk it?  I hated trying to control the outcomes of things which were totally out of my control; relationships, friendships, family bonds.  Anything and everything, I tried to control.  It was too much stress!  Focusing on others and not taking care of myself, but I no longer do that.  I’ve estranged myself from those whom have, and will continue to, hurt me.  I don’t need people like that!  I’m so happy these days, because life is so magical, and simple.  I treat every day as an opportunity, a gift!  Who knows what time might bring?  That’s the beauty of it, it’s a complete mystery.  I look forward to new friends, new lovers.  I’m going to meet someone amazing, whom I’ll sincerely love, and who will treat me well.  The future is looking mighty bright, friends.

P.S. Living in the past is like driving while staring in the rear-view mirror; eventually, you’re going to CRASH.

Posted in exercise, love, school, smoking |